Fear of People

Social phobia is fear of people, especially unfamiliar people and large groups of people.

The main focus of treatment for people suffering from social phobia is to “defuse” their excessive fear of people thinking badly of them.
We must also deal with that part of their subconscious mind which has tried to protect them by keeping them away from hurtful people.
If the client can remember specific incidents in childhood which have caused the problem, then this can be addressed by a special method.
(This is not the same as regression where the client experiences the past event as if they were back there as a child).

Because for most of history we lived in villages where we only met a limited number of people, many of them being related to us. Whereas nowadays we mostly live in cities, surrounded by strangers.

Mostly the requirement to attend meetings in which everyone is expected to speak in front of people whom they do not really know.

Some creatures are naturally sociable, living in groups like wolves, deer, whales, bees and monkeys. Others are naturally unsociable, like spiders. Humans are instinctively a social animal. That’s why we have a whole set of muscles to create facial expressions, to show our feelings to each other and get more comfortable in company.

Yes, we are all on a spectrum with “extroverts” at one end and “introverts” at the other end. Most of us are somewhere between these two extremes. And many people can be extroverted or introverted depending on the situation.

Neither, they both have strengths and weaknesses. An effective team would include both types as well as people who are in between.

People with social phobia generally care too much about what other people think of them. They assume that other people dislike them, or would dislike them if they noticed them.
The less they really know about another person, the more they fantasise about what the other person really thinks of them.
Even in online conversations with strangers they worry excessively about reactions to their comments.
This belief that other people wouldn’t like them causes three common reactions, namely avoidance, aggression, and people-pleasing.

People with severe social phobia simply try to avoid any contact with other people, or at least with anyone whom they don’t already know.
They don’t speak to them or make eye contact.
Some will prefer interacting with machines or animals rather than people.
Most prefer supermarkets to small shops where the staff might engage them in conversation, but ideally they would shop online where they only need to interact with a machine.

Some people are so sure that the other person will dislike them that they begin a conversation in an aggressive manner, so as to be superior to the other person from the beginning.
Of course the other person will take this as an unprovoked attack and will generally hit back, causing a vicious spiral of hostility.
Alternatively, the fearful person may make desperate efforts to be liked, by praising the other person, submitting to their wishes, and giving them their time, money, attention or sexual favours.
These people can be easily exploited. And “people pleasing” can also backfire, if other people may find it sad or creepy or embarrassing.

Generally social phobia begins with an unpleasant experience or series of experiences in early childhood.
This is generally in school which is the child’s first experience of mixing outside of the family.
Children can be bullied for anything that singles them out from other kids, often something extremely trivial.
It doesn’t actually matter what the difference is, because once bullying begins it has a life of its own.
It only takes one assertive child to start the bullying.
Suppose Jimmy starts to bully Tommy. Billy is afraid of Jimmy and fears Jimmy will start on him next.
So Billy joins in the bullying of Tommy so that Tommy will continue in the victim role instead.
Boys’ bullying tends to be physical.
Girls’ bullying is generally more psychological, through spiteful remarks, and is even more damaging.

People with long-standing social phobia never get much practice in handling disagreements, criticism, rudeness, or even normal conversation and joking.
They find all these interactions threatening and avoid them if at all possible.
They may not even know whether someone is joking in a friendly way or whether they’re deliberately being rude.
Because they never speak up for themselves, other people get used to ignoring them or making them the target of jokes, not knowing how hurtful this is.
If the person ever stands up for themselves, people still tend to discount what they’re saying.
They will tell each other “he’s in a bad mood” or “she is having PMT.”
This avoids them having to change their behaviour towards the other person.

Therapy sessions are £60 per session, which is about the average going rate in this area.
How many sessions are needed varies from person to person, as no two people are the same. But you should certainly begin to see a real change within about three sessions.

Yes, because once you can enjoy meeting and socialising you will naturally want to do more! Your normal social instincts will take over. This is not like seeing a hairdresser where you keep on going back on a regular basis. Once you get over a phobia there is normally no reason why you would get it back.

Yes, all my therapy is based on scientific evidence. Here is a scientific article about treatment of severe anxiety and social phobia by hypnosis and neurolinguistic programming.

If you want to go ahead and contact me to discuss or make an appointment, you can call me on 01392574669 or use the contact form below.
Remember to tick the “consent” box or the form won’t send.
I see clients at Holmedale Health near Magdalene Road in Exeter.
You can also use the form to contact me with any other questions which have not been answered on this page. You will get a personal reply, not AI-generated and not a sales pitch!