Freedom from the Past

Various forms of psychotherapy, including hypno-psychotherapy, can help to recover from a controlling relationship. Hypnosis would be one technique among many. A trained hypno-psychotherapist could work without hypnosis, using other techniques, if this was preferred.

There is a legal definition HERE. The main features as described on the Safe Lives website are “a repeated pattern of acts designed to make a person subordinate and dependent by regulating their everyday behavior, isolating them from support, and depriving them of independence.”

Often but not always. Some controllers use psychological manipulation to build a controlling relationship. They gradually cut the victim off from family and friends and convince them that only they (the controller) can protect them from a dangerous world.

You might not know at first, because control is built up gradually. Ask yourself these questions: Have I lost contact with family and friends whom I was previously close to? If I’ve made new friends, are they all my partner’s friends? Does the thought of annoying or disobeying my partner feel terrifying or deeply depressing? Does the outside world seem very dangerous now when it didn’t used to? When did I last make any decision for myself?

People on the “autistic spectrum,” because they may have difficulty understanding other peoples’ motives. Also people who are already isolated, without family or friends. Also people with a history of trauma who therefore feel the world is a dangerous place.

I’ve studied the ways in which abusive predators break down peoples’ independence and self-confidence. You can rebuild your confidence and independence by reversing this same process.
To gain freedom from the past you need to recognise what’s been done to you.
You need to understand how your capabilities, relationships with family and friends, activities and confidence have shrunk and weakened during the controlling relationship.
You also need to understand the fear which is the most powerful tool for creating damaging relationships.
If there is a serious fear of violence then of course you should inform the police and take any other practical steps to protect yourself.
Click here for more information and do not delay!
But not every controlling relationship involves violence or the fear of violence.
Clever “controllers” often “gaslight” their victims into believing that the whole world is a very dangerous place, where they can trust no one.
They do this to increase their victim’s dependence on their “protection.”

Many people with damaged personalities don’t know whom to trust.
Sometimes they trust no one except their abuser.
In other cases they trust everyone, which can be almost as damaging.
They need to learn to decide how far to trust each person, and where to set their limits.
These will be different for each relationships.
They need to learn to say “no,” and learn to say “yes,” because both can be difficult.
The simple words are part of getting freedom from the past, if they were previously denied to you.

Rebuilding confidence is part of this whole process.
Although a few people are overconfident, most people are capable of much more than they ever dreamed of.
Extreme situations like wars and disasters enable very rapid change, but in normal life a more gradual approach is possible.
This begins with small steps, then moving on when the first step becomes easy and habitual.
Habits are the building blocks of our personality.
We can change any habit simply by practicing a new behaviour until it feels natural and normal.
Read more about confidence-building HERE.

You can contact me through the contact form HERE to ask any question that’s not answered on this website. Every genuine inquiry gets a personal reply, not AI-generated, no sales pitch. You might have several questions- that’s not a problem.