SELF-CONFIDENCE

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Self-confidence people are not afraid of new experiences and challenges, because they trust their own capabilities, and know who they can call upon for extra help and expertise. They may seek out experiences which others would find stressful, because they know that meeting these challenges will make them stronger and therefore happier.

Stress means the total demands made upon the mind and body by situations and activities. It is beneficial where it “stretches
us”, motivating us to “rise to the occasion” and discover our own strengths. This is one reason why many people freely choose very stressful occupations, such as the Armed Forces, when they could have settled for a less demanding life.

Stress becomes harmful when the demands on the person are more than they can handle, causing permanent anxiety. It may be too intense, or too prolonged, especially if there is no end in sight. At this point the individual becomes exhausted, and cannot even feel pleasure. They feel emotionally flat or irritable, and cannot think or remember. A vicious circle thus develops, because the person cannot use his intelligence to deal with what is stressing him. Prolonged high level stress can cause post-traumatic stress disorder in which soldiers (for example) can make very irrational decisions. Even the toughest people have their limit, and if pushed beyond that limit their intelligence and character may break down. Prolonged lower level stress causes physical diseases such as high blood pressure and heart problems.

Abusive relationships make people more vulnerable to stress even when they have escaped, because they are accustomed to things spiraling out of control. Controlling relationships have the same effect, because the suppressed partner is not used to making decisions for themselves.

Modern life is so different to the lives of our ancestors, that our brains are just not equipped to deal with modern stresses. We need to be realistic here. Some people are just in the wrong job or the wrong relationship. If they feel much happier when their partner’s not around, their relationship clearly needs some serious rethinking! Everyone has their limitations, and some people may need to reconsider their own lifestyle and priorities, if they have reached their maximum capacity to deal with stress. However most of my clients just help to change how they react, and this helps them to think more clearly and decide what matters and what doesn’t.

When we handle stress better it can strengthen us instead of weakening and exhausting us. Handling and overcoming stress builds confidence.